Stray Winter
by SassyAU
Summary: Prompted by a piece I began in 2015. A Femslash AU coming in weekly installments. Tanya Denali and Bella Swan are the main pairing.
1. I

Note: This is based off a snippet I posted in 2015. Please, let me know what you think. To be continued in weekly installments. Thank you for reading + reviewing.

I

She watched them as they went about their lives and tried to imagine where they all might be headed. There was a frazzled looking woman who dragged an impudent young toddler after her. They locked eyes, and Bella stuck her tongue out at him. He returned the gesture happily, sticking his tongue out at his mother all the way to their gate. She chuckled to herself and kept watching. She waited at the baggage claim with a mill of other travelers who were probably all hoping their bags hadn't been misplaced with every passing second along with her. It took five more minutes. An elderly woman crossed in front of her to grab up a floral suitcase, her husband helping her lift it up from the conveyor belt. Bella eyed her dull green canvas bag coming down her way, and she stepped past the couple to snatch it up by its handles. The familiar weight of it was comforting and helped to settle all the complimentary soda she'd downed on the five hour plane ride.

She followed the signs, and the stream of other people to the main exit. They were just the people who had been on the plane with her, the airport was smaller than the one she'd come from in Phoenix. A lot smaller Bella noted as she narrowly avoided colliding with a family who'd stopped directly in front of the doors. She huffed but went silently around them, slipping one hand into the pocket of her coat as she pushed the door open with her hip. A scatter of cars were idling in the two lanes directly in front of the airport. Bella looked around. People were loading luggage into trunks, and driving away. The longer she stood there, the more curses she found she had for Dave. The third social worker to be assigned her case. He was new, to her anyway, and he'd come along after Gary had retired a few months ago. She'd liked Gary. He was elderly and always forgot Bella's name, but she'd liked him. It had been Dave's idea to relocate her from Arizona. She hated him for it. For all his ideas, and bright suggestions on her future.

"I hate the cold," Bella murmured under her breath, watching it swirl in a misty cloud in front of her face. The frigid air stung her cheeks and burned her lungs as she breathed it in. She waited ten minutes more, shivering and chattering. She had been about to go back inside the warmth of the airport to wait when they'd pulled into the lot. Most of the other cars had gone by then, and she heard them coming before she saw them. A squealing of tires, and a blast of music later they were bouncing to a stop in front of the doors a few feet away from where she stood. A second later the passenger door creaked open, and two thin legs emerged, followed by the frail form of a woman. She was petite, and so thin she looked sickly. She held a cigarette in one hand, and a piece of notebook paper in the other. She hollered something to the driver before she slammed the door shut with a grumble. She shook her head, and the short blonde hair on her head swayed. She held up the makeshift sign and leaned back against the truck, puffing her smoke.

Bella hoisted her duffel bag up onto her shoulder and resigned herself to her fate. She could barely make it out on the woman's paper, but the name was hers. _Isabella_, there written on the front in bright red pen. The woman gave her a look as she approached, dropping her cigarette onto the ground and stepping on it with her boot. "Hey," Bella slightly pointed to the sign that the other woman was now dangling loosely. "How are you?" She asked politely, trained from her years as an orphan. "I'm Bella," she reached her hand out for the other woman to take but all she got was another look. "Sarah," the small woman said, and moved past Bella's outstretched hand to open the back door of the truck. '_Ooookaaaay_', Bella thought to herself as she dropped her hand slowly. She watched as Sarah scooted piles of trash from the backseat onto the floor of the truck. Empty cigarette packages, crushed beer cans, old fishing line, and an empty soda bottle all came tumbling down with two sweeps of Sarah's bony hands. She motioned for Bella to get in. "C'mon," she mumbled at her, "Got things to do."_ Like I wasn't the one waiting_, Bella bit her tongue before she let herself say that though. She was cold, tired, and hungry, she also knew it wouldn't do to offend her new fosters on the first day either. Dave would have a stroke. "Thank you," she murmured as she slid past Sarah into the rusty old truck. Every movement brought a different crunch, and rustle as she slid her feet across all the debris. All the windows were rolled up except for the drivers window. Smoke permeated through the cab, and burned her eyes and lungs. He eyed her from behind the wheel, ignoring the open window, flicking his ash onto the gearshift instead. She met his glare in the rear view mirror and shuddered. Sarah slid back into the passengers seat, sliding through more empty containers on the floor in the front. "Hurry up," the man grunted. "Fuckin' freezing," he reached a large tanned hand to turn the heat up a notch. As soon as Sarah had slammed her door shut he reached down and shifted the truck into gear. Bella barely had time to find her seat belt before he was speeding out of the airport parking lot, and out onto a narrow highway road.

Away from the airport the landscape was blanketed in a fresh layer of pure white snow. "This is Buck," Sarah reached to turn down the heavy rock music that was coming from the speakers. The man introduced as Buck grumbled, and took a long drag from his cigarette. "Welcome to Alaska," Sarah chuckled dryly. "It'll warm up soon, but for now this is what we've got." Bella didn't interrupt her, and Sarah didn't look back to make sure Bella was listening. "We have one son, you'll meet him when we get home," she puffed her cigarette as she spoke. "Mike's his name. A good boy," she did turn then and gave Bella a long look. She shifted uncomfortably under the weight of the older woman's heavy gaze. "Only one high-school in this damn town," she continued finally averting her gaze, but still twisted around in the seat. Bella noted she hadn't bothered with her seat belt. "Central, it is. Me and Buck," she tilted her head his way. "Went there ourselves back in the day, if you can believe it," she offered the first smile Bella had seen from her then. She was missing a few teeth, but it did improve her looks a little. "Damn waste of time that shit was," Buck grumbled as he leaned to turn the music back up to a blast. Sarah looked a bit like she wanted to cry at that but she didn't- she just bit into her skinny bottom lip and turned back around in her seat.

She looked out of the window the rest of the way. The smoke from their cigarettes was thick and choking. She snuck the back window down a crack, praying they wouldn't say anything. Bella watched in awe as a beautiful landscape whizzed past her face. She tried to take it all in. The highway they'd been driving on since they left the airport was surrounded on both sides by a thick forest. Dense vegetation was everywhere. She could see signs posted along the highway warning of deer and bear crossings. Fresh snow covered it all- everything her eyes could see. They drove for a half an hour more with only the music to break the silence between them. Nothing she knew, really. Occasionally Buck would grunt at Sarah to light him a cigarette, but neither of them spoke to Bella again. She sat quietly in the back trying to take shallow breaths in from the crack in the window. Her hands were trembling with nerves so Bella shoved them under her thighs. '_You're fine_,' she told herself over and over again.

"Hey," she was being roughly shaken awake. "Girl. Wake up. We're home." A hard poke came to her shoulder then and Bella's eyes snapped open. She could smell the stale smoke on Sarah's breath, the other woman was so close. "Sorry," Bella mumbled as she sat up rubbing at her eyes, blindly grabbing for her bag. "Come on," Sarah mumbled back at her leaving the truck door open for her to scramble out of. The trash on the floor shuffled about as she made her exit, making sure the door was completely shut behind her. Sarah hadn't waited for her either. She held her breath as she took in the lot they'd pulled into. The house was in a sorry state of disrepair from what she could see. A two story house that stood on top of a snow covered hill. It leaned heavily to one side in a way that Bella didn't think was quite safe. It may have once been a brilliant shade of white but now the panels were a dull yellow color. Bella walked slowly up the stone pathway to the wooden stairs that led to the deck. Her sneakers, and her socks were sopping wet by the time she stood at the front door. It had been left unlocked and she shyly crept inside.

Buck was sat on a long sofa that sunk down slightly in the middle. It was a light beige in color but she could see deep brown stains running along the cloth that covered it. He sat with yet another cigarette in his hand, a can of beer in the other. When she stepped inside she had stepped right in front of the television, and he spat his curses at her until she realized. She stepped shaken into the next room. Sarah was rummaging through the refrigerator when she entered, and stood up so quickly she almost banged her head on the top of it. "Jesus," she breathed as she pulled out a gallon of milk. "You scared me." Bella wanted to roll her eyes but she minded her manners. "I'm sorry," she said instead. Her bag was heavy with her possessions inside, the strap had begun to dig painfully into her shoulder. She shifted under the weight of it, and from the awkward tension that stood in the room between her and Sarah. She watched Sarah pour some milk into a pan on the stove. The kitchen beyond wasn't terribly nasty, but old dishes piled nearly out of the sink, and Bella could smell the molding food from where she stood near the doorway. After a moment Sarah glanced up from her cooking and truly looked at her, blinking harshly like she was only just now seeing Bella. The way she was looking at her seemed to ask _why are you still here?_

"Uhm," Bella used her free hand to tuck a lock of her unruly chestnut curls behind her ear. "Where do I sleep?" she finally spat the question out into the air awkwardly. Sarah shook herself. "Oh, right," she turned the heat down on the stove, and squeezed between Bella and the doorway. "Mike!" she yelled out. Only silence met her so she screamed the name again. Finally there was an answering "Yeah?" from up the stairs, and the sound of feet hitting the steps. "There you are," Sarah sighed exasperatedly as the teenage boy stepped into the kitchen. He eyed Bella as he slid past her. She awkwardly tried to slink back even farther against the door frame. "Is this her?" He asked, nodding his head in her direction. Bella bit down on her lip, and twisted her fingers together nervously. '_I hate this_,' she thought as he took a good long look at her. He was taller than she was by about a foot. His face was an agitated shade of red, and covered in severe acne. A lock of damp blond hair fell into his eyes. "Of course that's her," Sarah snapped at her son. "Show her the room, please, Mike," she asked a bit softer while she stirred some noodles into the boiling pot of milk. "C'mon," he said to her as he came walking past. "Dinner will be done in a bit!" Sarah called to their backs.

She stayed quiet as he led her down the hallway away from his parents and toward the staircase. They'd covered the wooden steps with a long green rug that shifted beneath them as they climbed. She crept up after him, watching her feet. They reached the landing of the second floor and he gestured down the hall with a flick of his hand. "My room's down there," he told her. "My parents too. You best stay away from our stuff." She was was a little shocked at his words but she only nodded. "Yeah," she said softly. "Of course." '_I don't want anything you people have_,' was what she thought. '_Quit it_,' she told herself immediately after she'd thought it. She had expected Mike to lead her down the second floor hallway to her new bedroom but instead he pulled on a piece of string that hung down from the ceiling. He struggled a bit but he got the stairway down eventually. "You're up here," he announced, breathing heavier than he had been a minute before. She peered up into the darkness that had been opened up before her. "Oh," she whispered, trying to push away the tight ringlet of fear that had encircled her heart. She began to say something else but Mike was already turning away and heading back down the hall towards his bedroom. "Make sure you pull the stairs up behind you, Kay'?" he tossed over his shoulder.

_ You can be brave_, she told herself as she took the first step. The staircase was long enough, and the way was black in front of her. She could not even see her hand when she reached to find a rail and found none. _Maybe_. She continued to move her trembling legs though. She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut tight but she didn't think she could bare that. _You're fine_, she told herself until she stood at the top of the shaking stairway. There was a window at the end of the small space, and she rushed towards it to yank open the curtains. Daylight filled the room and Bella found she could breathe again. The shadows were gone, and so were her fears. She stood there, taking it in. It wasn't much but it was enough. It was a room that began high, and ended lower at the corners; Bella didn't need to hunch her shoulders though. The roof and walls looked like wood around her, rustic and true. She ran the tip of her finger across a smooth board. There was a bed, it was small but it looked like heaven to her. There were no sheets to be found but there was a royal blue comforter that looked thick and cozy. She lay her duffel by the pillow, and turned to find a small section spaced off behind a curtain. There was a bathtub, and a toilet there. There was a mirror hung upon the wall next to them and she stepped near to look at herself. Dark brown eyes greeted her gaze. She looked tired. She ran some water from the tub and splashed it against her face, it ran cool down her cheeks. She sat on the edge of the tub and tried her best not to cry. She squeezed the tub with her fingers and bent in on herself laying her head on her knees. Bella didn't want to be here. She had no home to miss yet she knew she wanted to go back there. She missed the warmth, and the feel of her city. She missed her coffee shop hangout, and her old school, and the few companions she'd managed to find in it's halls. _I don't even know what I did to make them send me away_, Bella sobbed once then. Only once and then she pulled it together and patted her face dry with the sleeves of her jacket. She pushed the thick white curtain back and moved underneath. She grabbed her bag and took it near the small end table that rested beside the bed. It had drawers so she unzipped her bag and began to put away her clothes. She left out a pair of grey sweatpants and a loose plain t-shirt. She laid them both upon the wooden boards of the floor. She took the picture of her mother out and eased out the few crinkles it had found during their journey. She wanted to hold it tight to her chest but she taped it up above her bed instead. She looked into the smiling face and sighed.

"Hey! What the fuck!?" Mike hollered from beneath her, banging something against the ceiling. "Close this shit! I told you!" Bella scrambled up off the bed and raced toward the stairway. "I'm sorry," she found herself apologizing as she pulled it up. It creaked shut and she leaned back against the wall, her chest heaving. She heard him grumbling down the hallway. _Don't cry_. She took out her cloth bag that was stuffed full of toiletries and laid it out next to her nightstand. Then came her headphones, her cellphone, wallet, a little wad of cash that she stuffed in among her clothing. She eased her aching feet out of her sneakers, then out of her damp socks. She laid her sneakers out to dry. _I need some boots_, she knew as she looked down upon her worn Chucks. She unfastened her jeans and eased out of her heavy jacket and sweater. She left her panties on and drew her sweats on, grateful for the warmth they brought. The attic was chilled and goosebumps prickled up on her pale skin. She pulled the baggy shirt on next, and slipped into the bed. She laid there for a while thinking. She had so many questions but there was nobody to ask. She was not brave enough to go and ask Sarah or Buck. They had acted as if they had not wanted her there anyway. Usually she at least got a tour. She didn't need them though, not really. She needed their house. She needed their names, and their signatures on her school forms. She had found less than she'd expected but it did not matter. She'd never had a family, and she only needed two more years. She'd be free then. _Eighteen, and free_, she thought as she snuggled into her pillow ignoring the light that broke in from the askew curtain. _Free...free..free._ She fell asleep quick and easy.

* * *

Sarah Gerber brought her husband a plate of steaming food while she sipped on a chilled beer. "What'd you think then?" she asked. "About what?" He let out a burp, and took the food from her. "About our new..daughter," she sat down next to him after she fetched her own plate, and hollered for Mike. "Come eat, Mikey," she sang up the stairs. "What about her?" He asked confused. "I asked you what you think, Buck," she swatted him. "Don't think nothin," he took a swig of beer, and then a bite of stew. Mike came down a bit later and took his plate upstairs to eat. Sarah thought about calling him back down but she didn't. She had the nagging feeling she was forgetting to do something but she pushed it away and ate her stew.

In the morning she woke up still slightly drunk. Buck had his arm draped over her and it was fuckin' heavy. She shifted it and rolled over in her sleep, her thighs sticky with his seed. She hummed in contentment. Their bed was warm, and she was comfortable. She dozed for a while more, dreams springing up and disappearing as quickly as they came. Buck threw his arm back over her and she cursed. "Sick'f this shit," she grumbled as she hoisted him off and sat up to get a cigarette from the pack on the table next to the bed. She lit it up and leaned back against the headboard taking a long draw. She had just begun to fall back asleep, her lit cigarette still in hand when the knock came at the door. Soft at first, so soft she could almost ignore it. Then a voice beyond the door, one that sounded like her son. "No-" a louder bang. "Fuck it, move," then the door was swung open. Sarah sat up in a start, dropping her cigarette. "Mom, we all overslept," he said pointedly. "Me and her need a ride to school," he jerked his thumb back at the small girl who stood in the doorway of her bedroom._ I forgot about her_, Sarah realized. Then her head began to ache a bit and she reached for her half full beer from last night and picked up her cigarette from the floor. "Buck," she began to shake him and when he remained limp she remembered he'd brought the whiskey out last night after dinner. "Fuck, Mike, take the keys to the truck," she told him, a slur in her words. "Really?" He beamed. Bella shifted uncomfortably behind him. _She is pretty_, Sarah thought as she looked at the girl dressed in a long crimson thermal and light blue jeans. Then she looked back at Mike, dressed in his puffy coat and dark jeans. "You don't do nothing stupid," she told him before going back to her beer, cigarette, and peaceful dozing.

* * *

She had come to the bathroom to catch her breath for a minute. The day was moving quickly, and her head was spinning a little. Everyone seemed to know everyone here. She gathered that new students usually weren't a thing. Mike told her he'd grown up in Healy, and so had the majority of his peers on their drive in. There was only one middle school, and one elementary as well, and they all stood on adjoining lots. The High-school was larger than them all, but it was smaller than the other schools she'd been to. Bella had still managed to lose her way and her schedule a couple of times. Mike hadn't bothered with showing her around, but he'd wished her luck though before he'd parted ways with her to meet up with his friends. She didn't mind much. She asked someone random when she needed to, and used her common sense when she could, using the room numbers on the walls to guide her down the corridors. She'd found her locker that morning, then her first class- English, then Science where she'd been sat next to a boy who'd sweated and stammered out sentences to her the whole hour, and then Math had come where Mr. Marx had tried to make her introduce herself to the class. She'd thought about it but her legs had began to buckle when she tried to stand so she took her seat and said only her name, and that she had come from Phoenix. Spanish had been her favorite so far- she had lived with a family from Mexico when she was six until they'd relocated back when she had turned eleven. She'd even conquered the better part of lunch, she thought as she checked her watch. She had gone and grabbed a tray that held a sandwich, chips, and milk, and gobbled it up as soon as her butt had found a bench. Then Mike had come in with his group of friends and they'd all begun to look at her and talk in hushed tones so she got up, dumped her tray in the trash, and left them to their whispers.

She pulled her thick hair back and tied it into a loose ponytail at the base of her neck. She swept it free of her shirt, and came out of the bathroom. The bell finally gave a shrill tone and she pulled the crumpled schedule the office woman had printed up for her that morning from the back pocket of her jeans. History was next. _Bleh_, Bella thought as she grudgingly made her way down the hallway. She found 206 right before the final bell sounded and skidded inside. She stopped suddenly on her heel. Every eye turned to look at her, and she felt her cheeks heating up. "Who are you?" a low voice asked of her, beyond all the stares, near the very back of the room. She looked up, past everyone else to find the speaker. Bella couldn't see the bottom half of her from behind her desk but she could see her eyes. They were a deep golden hue, dusky hazel flakes mixed into them. They pierced into her own and unsettled her so completely she forgot how to speak and could only stammer. "I-I am- uh- I'm-" she swallowed. A few chuckles sounded from around the room. "You are?" The voice was cold, but not unkind, an accent slightly tilting the words. "I'm Bella," she finally managed at the woman's prodding. "I'm new."

"Hm," the woman stood from her desk, and Bella clutched her notebook tighter in her arms. She watched as she finally took her eyes away, and tipped her head to look down at her planner. Her pale blonde hair fell over her shoulders in loose ringlets. "Swan?" She asked after a long pause everyone else was absolutely silent for. Bella wondered at their silence. No class had been this quiet all day. "Yes," she answered. "You sit over there," the woman nodded her head toward a empty seat near the window. "Okay," Bella replied and began to move toward her seat. A foot shot out that she narrowly avoided, and she realized Mike sat two rows ahead of her. He laughed, and slapped a hand over his mouth to stifle it. So did his friends. She continued on until she slid into her seat, setting her notebook on the desk.

"Turn to page 394," the command came, and Bella watched as everyone reached into their bags for their materials, still all without a word. Textbooks were brought up, and the slender blonde who looked to be in her early thirties came up the row of desks toward the front of the classroom. Bella got a good look at her now. She wore dark slacks, and a long necked blouse the color of warm earth. Earrings hung loosely from her ears, and she played with the rings on her fingers as she spoke to the class. Bella found herself looking about, but just as she began to fret, a book was slid upon the surface of her desk, and the voice came behind her. "394."

She turned to the page with trembling hands and when she'd managed her instructor walked on and spoke again. "Today I want us all to think about the Renaissance," she began in smooth calm tones. God help her, Bella tried. After when she had a full page of notes, and the rest of her classmates did as well, the bell finally came but nobody moved. She looked around, confused. "You are dismissed," the words came as she moved back towards her desk. Then the scene came to life, everyone jumping up and finally taking action, laughing and joking, shoving their textbooks into their bags. She stood and groaned as her stiff joints cracked a bit. Matt came swaggering up to her with a cocky grin on his face. "I'll be at the truck in a few," he told her. "Need to go see my girlfriend," he winked at a buddy who was walking past out of the classroom. "Oh- sure," she said. "I'll wai-" she began, and then a voice overlapped hers. "Ms. Swan," it came from behind her and she turned on instinct. "A minute of your time, please," her teacher asked of her, leaning back against her desk. "Michael," she nodded to him. "Ms. Denali," he mumbled and stalked away from them, leaving them alone in the now deserted classroom.

They looked at each other for a moment. "You're free to keep the book." Bella's brow furrowed and she tilted her head, "Huh?" she asked stupidly. "The textbook," Ms. Denali clarified, gesturing to the book she held along with her notebook and pencil. "Oh, uhm, thank you," she managed. Ms. Denali nodded and pushed herself up off the ledge of her desk. "You'll need to bring it with you every day, Isabella," she said, the words calm, and nearly sedating. She startled at the use of her full name. "Yes, ma'am," she replied. The older woman looked at her for a long moment then, now only a few spaces away. Bella looked back- entranced in swirls of gold, flickering with unidentifiable emotion. Then someone walked by the open classroom door, and Bella turned to look. When she turned back Ms. Denali had returned to her desk, and was thumbing open her planner with a finger. "You are dismissed," she said without looking up.

"Yes, ma'am," Bella said again, hurrying out of the classroom to meet up with Mike before he decided to leave her. "What took you so long?" He asked her as she slid inside the cab. "Nothing," Bella hoped she sounded more sure than she felt. "Sorry."


	2. II

_**Note: Whoops. Blew past my deadline. As always, thank you.**_

_** II**_

When they pulled into the driveway Buck was stood at the end of it with a real angry look on his face. Mike hadn't even been able to get the keys from the ignition yet. Buck yanked the door open, and took Mike out from behind the wheel by the front of his shirt. Bella had the good sense to climb out on her own. He got in without a word, and pulled off. "Da-" Mike stood with his mouth half open, looking after his father. _Sorry, kid_, Bella had a sympathetic glance for him until he met her look with a sneer and took off steaming toward the house without a look back. She watched the truck fade into the distant skyline, and stood there long after it had disappeared._ I don't care if I get sick_, she thought as she inhaled the cold air and felt her lungs burn as she breathed back out into the world. Only when her cheeks had gone pink, half numb, and she was violently shivering did she follow Mike inside the house.

She made her way up the path trembling, with snowflakes melting in her hair. She stomped her sodden sneakers on the porch to try and knock the extra snow off before she reached for the doorknob. The air inside the house was stale with smoke, just for an instant Bella considered turning back the way she came. She crept through the house, sliding a bit in her wet sneakers. She found Mike and Sarah were sat at the table. They'd been in the middle of a conversation when Bella came in and killed it. Mike was red in the face next to his mother with an untouched plate of lasagna in front of him. Sarah was perched on her seat with her legs twisted up underneath her. When her cigarette came away from her lips it was slightly pink at the end. She dangled it over the ashtray she held in her lap as she looked at Bella through a cloud of smoke. "There's food in the kitchen," she said. "Thank you," Bella told her while she tried not to stare at the split of her lip or the fresh pink bruise that had flowered over the course of the morning, bloomed across the left side of her face. '_Jesus_,' Bella thought as she walked past them into the kitchen.

She eyed the dirty dishes piled in the sink. Thankfully there was a stack of paper plates sat next to the pan on the stove. She grabbed one up, took a bendy plastic fork too. She used one hand to balance her unstable plate as she scooped lasagna out onto it. She found a cup in the cabinet that she rinsed twice before she filled it with water from the tap. By the time she joined Mike and Sarah at the table Mike had begun to stuff noodles into his mouth. She thanked Sarah again before she dug into her own meal. Sarah ate nothing but she sat at the table with them. She mostly smoked, occasionally she would look at one of them, ask about their day, then she'd get this look on her face, and stare off into space for a real long time before she'd remember herself enough to ask something else.

Mike let out a loud belch to announce the end of his meal as he tipped the final drops of soda from the can into his mouth. "Well," he wiped the back of his hand against his mouth and looked over to his mother. "I'm gonna go over to Cody's. I'll be back tonight," he went to give her a kiss on her good cheek. "Later," he mumbled at Bella as he walked past giving her a look she couldn't transcribe. Then there were two. Bella scooped a forkful into her mouth while Sarah lit up another cigarette. "Tomorrow.." she paused to take a long drag. "Tomorrow you will make sure to get up, and take the bus with Mike." Bella didn't say anything for a time. _Now it's my fault_, she thought, but all she said was "Yes, ma'am". Sarah didn't wait around to answer any of Bella's questions, or to ask Bella anything further about her day, she took her ashtray and her misguided anger to the living room, plopped it all down on the stained couch. Bella sat at the table for a while longer but she wasn't really hungry after that. She tried her best to be quiet as a mouse when she threw away her trash. She gulped down the rest of her water only to refill it before she walked past Sarah to the stairway. _It's fine_, she told herself as she went. _Don't think about it. Doesn't matter if you don't think about it_. She had to set her glass down to pull the stairs out from the ceiling. This morning she had taken care to leave the lights on, there were no shadows to be afraid of now. "Nnngh," she grunted. She wouldn't forget the stairs today, even if Mike wasn't here to yell at her for them.

She sat on her knees for a second to catch her breath as she looked around. The attic was prettier on second sight, especially after the circus of the day. Just me, only me. She got up and toed her sneakers off. She reached her hands down for the fasten of her jeans. She left them all strewn across the floor. _I'll get them later. When I want to_. The hot water felt nice against her chilled skin. She sat in the bath- washing and then just enjoying the feeling of being warm again. She didn't move until the water had grown cold and her fingers were soft, and pruny. When she stood water ran down her pale body like a stream taken root on her skin. She wrung out her dark curls with both hands, let her body air dry while she combed out the tangles with her fingers the best she could. _Good as it gets_, she thought as she tied her hair back out of her face. After she had dressed she found her notebook, untucked the homework she'd folded up in the back of it, and set to work.

She broke only once to check her phone. Science came easy enough, then she struggled through a page and a half of algebra equations, last she had to scrounge up a red pen to draw a trade route map for history. By the time she was done her fingertips were covered with ink, and her brain felt frazzled. She shoved her notebook, and her history book underneath the bed, then got up to stretch. _Mmmm_. As night overtook the day outside the air in the attic began to bite. Bella tugged her old Cardinals sweater over her head, and doubled up the blanket on the bed so it might feel thicker when she lay beneath it. She melded into that warmth, curling up on her side so she could bring her hands up under her mouth to catch the steam of her breath. She lay there trying to sleep but only succeeded in conjuring up images from her past.

She thought of all the faces she'd come to know in her lifetime- some she'd come to love in her own way. She saw the Flores' family in their yard with all of their bags packed, hugging her, and giving her kisses- she could still feel little Alfredo's jet black hair rubbing against her cheek when she leaned to kiss him. The Carelson's with their golden crosses about their necks, who said funny things like 'God bless you,' when her social worker had come to get her. Her mother was there too, stood to the side like she was in the picture. One hand on the swell of her stomach. Her smile was comforting and familiar...Bella let herself follow that feeling into sleep.

* * *

_ Boom. Boom_.

"Bella!" The voice was distant but it still sliced through the fog in her mind. _Thud_. "Bellaaa!" It came, more agitated this time. She sat up, her heart beating fast. "Yeah?!" She called, her voice still scratchy from sleep. Mike sat the broom he'd been using to beat at the ceiling with aside, and called back to her. "Bus will be here in ten!" '_What_?!' Bella scrambled around in a thick tangle of bedding for her phone. 5:46 am. She had to blink twice before she could read the numbers. '_Glad I took a bath last night_,' she huffed and rolled out of the comfort of her bed. She didn't bother changing out of the sweatshirt she'd slept in, instead blindly grabbing for a fresh pair of panties, the jeans she wore the day before, and her sneakers. _At least they dried_, Bella pulled on the heel and hopped a bit until it slid on. She fumbled around in her bag until she found the case she'd laid her toothbrush in. She rubbed a stick of deodorant under her arms while she brushed her teeth, alternating hands, and running the bath so she could rinse her mouth. She pushed on the stairs until they lowered and dashed down trying to tame her hair with her fingers at the same time. "Well- mornin' sunshine," Mike mocked. "Thought I was gonna have to leave ya," he laughed as he opened the door. She closed it behind her and they raced up the street together.

A few street lamps illuminated their way, lighting them up as they jogged beneath them. The ground was slush underneath her sneakers, and the morning was cold. Colder than anything she'd experienced in Arizona. She had forgotten her jacket in her haste. It had done her wonders back home, but here it was nowhere near enough. Still, Bella missed it this morning. The chill had seeped into her bones when they stopped at the end of the block, her shoes soaked through again. _Fuck_, Bella rolled her eyes as she trudged behind Mike. "What's up, man?" He called to a boy who stood at the stop, head bowed over his phone until Mike hollered at him. They got to talking. Bella stood awkwardly behind them trying not to shiver._ I look stupid_. More kids began to join them, a colorful sea of heavy coats, and scarves gathered on the street corner.

'So cold,' she nearly bit into her tongue trying not to chatter, her arms wound about her waist in a hug. She didn't think about it until she saw the flashing lights of the school bus flick on as it rumbled down the street. '_My homework_,' She froze. '_My textbook_!' She looked helplessly back the way they'd came. She knew there was nothing to be done now. The squealing of tires pierced the quiet morning air, everyone gathered around the doors. Bella was last to climb on the bus. She found an empty seat near the middle and fell in cursing herself the whole ride.

Like the day before Mike abandoned her, only this time he hadn't bothered to say a word as they got off the bus. He laughed, and shoved a friend as they walked into the front doors. Bella didn't mind. She followed after them, breaking away in the breakfast line. Fruit, a sausage rolled in pancake, with some sugar free syrup on the side, and a small carton of juice to wash it all down. There was an empty spot at a table by the kitchens, a few kids sat higher up it. She could hear them throwing jokes about as she sat down. She looked around. This school wasn't crowded like her previous ones had been, when they were all gathered up like this though..Bella realized exactly how many of them there were. _All of them you don't know_, she cracked open her juice. "You're new." A light voice came from over her shoulder tinkling like a bell. A glance back revealed a tall Asian girl, with long black hair dark as ink, light tan skin, and a kind smile on her face. "How'd you guess?" She smiled back around a mouthful of pancake. "Well.." she smirked, gesturing with her head to the empty seat across from her, and Bella nodded, motioning her forward. "Thanks," she smiled as she slid her tray onto the table. "I'm sure you've heard but we don't get many new kids around here. I'm Angela," she reached a hand across their trays. Bella took it. "Bella. Yeah, I figured. Did you grow up here?" She ripped a piece of sausage off to toss in her mouth. "Raised, not born, I was born in Anchorage. How about you? Where you from?" "Arizona," she said, continuing at Angela's look. "Phoenix." "Daaaaaamn, girl," Angela laughed around a mouthful of food. "I know you're hatin' it right now then. Been snowing all week." "You have no idea," Bella said.

They chatted through breakfast, parting company on the condition they'd meet up around lunch. Bella couldn't have been more grateful if she was honest with herself. It wasn't that she minded solitude, having another person to share it all with just seemed to make it easier. She went to her locker first, found a few books she'd left at the school, and a few pieces of scrap paper. No homework though. _Already not prepared, way to go_, she closed her locker with a little slam. She took off down the hallway to English in mixed spirits. Mostly, it went fine. When the homework had come up many of her instructors let it slide- gave her until tomorrow. Some of her classmates had the same excuses on their lips, so she didn't feel as bad.

"Hey," she looked over at him when they were set to work on their lab in Science. He sat hunched over, nearly bending away from her. He didn't even look at her. _Why me_? "Yeah I think all the instructions..I think she explains.." Bella gave up and went to gather the materials, when she came back she laid everything out and prepared to do everything alone. "Here- not- not like that," he stood up and reached for a tube. Bella let him have it. "Okay," she gave a little smile. "Show me, then." He did, and by the end he was talking, still skittish, but he was talking to her. When the bell rang, she felt happy, nearly on a high. She was having a good day. "Hola," Señor Ramos," she greeted with a smile. "Buneas tardes, Bella," he chuckled as she came in. They talked a minute as the class filled in, then she took her seat. She was partnered up with a light haired girl named Jessica to practice words with. Jessica stumbled a little, but she was actually quite good. She told Bella some surface information about her hobbies, friends, Bella did the same.

When the bell rang she took a second to bid Señor Ramos goodbye, she ended up chatting well past the second tone. She hurried off to the cafeteria down empty corridors. She was walking down the second floor hall towards the stairs when she felt it. A strange feeling. One she couldn't place. It stopped her in her tracks, she looked behind her. All she saw was an empty hallway. She couldn't shake it though, it settled deep in the pit of her stomach, raising goosebumps on her skin.

She was glad to hear the loud roar of her class coming from the double doors a few feet ahead. She came in, walked past everyone, up to the empty queue. The cook looked like she was about to wrap up, but she gave her a hotdog, fries, and milk. Angela sat at the table they'd ate at earlier, and she gave her a warm smile when she saw her coming. "Hey," Angela greeted when she sat down across from her. "Hey," Bella breathed, still trying to shake her sense of unease. Angela helped her. They exchanged a few laughs, talked about classes, too soon the bell was ringing. "Wait up," Angela grabbed her arm on their way out. "You wanna go into town after school? We could check out the shops.." she shrugged. "I'd drop you home after," she walked backwards as she spoke, looking for her answer. _I'd be spared a long bus ride, she thought. I like Angela...be nice to see the town too_. Bella could see no reason to say no, so she didn't. "Yeah, I'd like that." "Great! Meet you by the gym after," Angela said, turning and walking in the opposite direction.

Bella had walked most of the way there when trouble announced itself. "There she is," Mike laughed when he saw her. She didn't like the sound of it. "My new sister," he announced to his friend, who trailed behind him looking more interested in his phone than Bella. "Hey," she waved and tried to walk on but he was there- in her way. "'Scuse me," she said as she tried to step around but he wouldn't let her, pushing one of his hands against her chest. She wanted to rub at the spot but she didn't. "You having a good day, hm?" He asked mockingly. "Don't you look at me like that, no, no," he reached a hand out to stroke her cheek but she knocked it away. "Oooh," Mike said, smiling his nasty smile. "Got some bite." People we're walking past now, into class, some sneaking a glance at their scene. Mike's friend had taken off down the hall. The bell would be ringing soon. She tried to get past again. "C'mon Mike," her voice cracked a little, and she cursed herself for it. _Don't cry_. "Just let me through, please."

"Michael," the air went still. Mike looked at her with a stricken face. Then he turned around, real slow to face the voice. "What are you doing?" It was calm, floating smoothly across the space between them. Ms. Denali stood by the door, standing just outside of the frame. "N-Nothing, Ms. Denali, we- we got caught up talking," he stammered. He gave her a look that told her she'd better not say anything. "Sorry," he finished. Ms. Denali stalked closer, long strides in her heeled boots. She barely came up to Mike's shoulder but he was the one looking small somehow. "Nothing?" She asked, stopping in front of them. "Yes," he said, his voice sounding tight, like the word hadn't wanted to come out. He nodded up and down furiously to enhance the truth of his answer. "I will never catch you doing 'nothing' again, Michael." Ms. Denali gave him a long, hard look, then she stepped back a single space to let him slip between her body and the lockers. She saw his jaw tense but he was quiet. He awkwardly squeezed past, shuffling off into the classroom.

She turned her head to look at Bella then. "Ms. Swan.." Bella thought her heart might freeze. "I think it best if you would find your seat." She stood aside, a wider space than she'd given Mike, her hands clasped behind her back. Bella tried to make her legs work, they still wobbled though. She paused to take a breath, and close her eyes. _Breathe_, she told herself. _You're fine. Don't cry. You're fine. Don't cry._ She felt the air move around her, a little swoosh, carrying the scent of winter, like pine, and warm maple syrup. She started when she opened her eyes. Ms. Denali had moved. She stood right in front of her now. She stood a little over Bella's head, but not by much. When she moved in, Bella felt a tickle against her throat. Her hair brushed over her skin, so pale.._like moonlight, like silver_, Bella thought._ When did we get so close_? She tried to step back, but then she was hitting the lockers, a lock pressing against her spine. Her eyes were the most curious thing, that strange shade of gold, seeming to get darker and darker the longer they stood there. "Come along, child," a soft sound as she reached a pale hand to help guide her. Her touch was so light Bella thought she could have been imagining it was there at all. "Go on, then," a murmur at Bella's side. She did as she was bid, finding her seat near the window.

Mike did not bother her when she walked past, he did not even look at her. Neither did his friends that sat around him. Like the day before the classroom fell silent around Ms. Denali's voice. She spoke so calmly Bella could have fallen asleep as the older woman strolled about at the front of the room. She wrote vocabulary on the board. "Get out your assignments from yesterday, and your books. Page 490, if you please," she said it as soft as everything else but it jerked Bella from her lull sharply. _Shit_, she thought. Everyone around her began to flip open their books, dig for homework, and Bella was left sat there with nothing. The class began to settle, she was the only one who stood out. She could hear the sound of her heels against the tile, she stopped just behind Bella. "No book," she slid a replacement onto the desk. "No homework." One thigh came into view, wrapped in dark charcoal slacks. "See me after." "Yes, ma'am," Bella whispered, her breath caught in her throat. "490," was the only answer she received.

She sat with tense shoulders the rest of the hour. Mike never turned to look at her, not even once. _Should I tell him I'm riding with Angela_? She thought about it. She probably should, but she didn't really want to see him look at her all screwed up in the face again. "You are dismissed," the words jerked her out of her thoughts, she snapped the borrowed book closed more out of surprise than recognition. She took her time to gather her things. Mike was one of the first students out of the door, she didn't bother trying to catch up with him. She could almost feel everyone else exiting the room, felt like it was growing smaller and smaller. "Come here." It came from behind her, the very back of the room. She made her feet go towards the other woman, seated at her dark cherry desk, her chin resting in one hand as she watched Bella. "You were unprepared. It is only your second day. Why is that, Ms. Swan?" Ms. Denali asked, not looking cruel or kidding, just still.

"I'm sorry- I- I'm usually not.." she began to stammer. Ms. Denali leaned back in her chair, her hands coming to rest on her abdomen. Her pale skin clashing with the deep brown shade of her blouse. "That is not what I asked you," a little lilt peaking out at the end. "I wish to know why.." She held her hand out for Bella to step forward. She didn't want to but her body moved anyway. "I was late this morning, I was..in a - in a rush, that's all. I'm really sorry," Bella bit her lip. "I uhm- understand if I get a zero, or..whatever," she quieted when she saw the way Ms. Denali was looking at her._ Like she could eat me_, Bella thought, then shook it away. _You're being stupid_. "I expect this to not become a reoccurring theme, Ms. Swan," she leaned up again, settling her elbows against her desk. "The next time there will be punishment," she said, Bella knew it was not a jest. "Yes, ma'am," she said, wincing when she tasted blood on her tongue. She'd sunk her teeth into her lip too hard. It filled her mouth with a metallic aftertaste that made her grimace.

A low noise filled the air, like a growl, but deeper than any she'd ever heard. Bella turned her head confused- looking for an animal. Ms. Denali shot up from her seat suddenly, drawing her attention back. She had both hands clenched into fists, slammed into her desk. Bella jumped at the noise. Her head was bowed, Bella couldn't see her face, she heard her though. "You are dismissed." The words sounded like they'd hurt. Gone were the smooth, calm tones she'd nearly fallen asleep to, a rough horrid sound came out. _Did I do something wrong_? She ought to be grateful she was being let off the hook. _Just go_, the smarter half of her brain urged her.

With Ms. Denali looking to be in such pain, Bella found she couldn't. That odd sensation from earlier was back in full force, fluttering around inside her belly. "Are you alright?" She took a single step closer. "Foolish child," her head snapped up. Bella sucked in a breath through her teeth. Her eyes had gone all dark, this time there was no hint of gold left in them. An empty void stared back at her, the veins below her eyes were beginning to spread out in a deep violet hue. "Get out!" She barked. Bella scrambled backwards knocking into a desk. She went to the ground, scrabbling up as soon as she'd landed, back to her feet, out the open door. She ran down the hall, not turning to look back once.

* * *

"That's Jenny's parents store," Angela gestured as best she could while she was driving. "They have good deals if you need like.. pharmacy shit..but they play no games, so don't even try anything," she laughed. "Been there. Done that." Bella laughed with her, it felt good to laugh after what had just happened. _What had happened_? She still wasn't sure. She was sure she didn't want to think about it now. "You hungry?" Angela asked, thankfully taking her out of her own head. "We could always stop at the diner before we look for clothes, I could go for a burger, and a peanut butter shake sounds like the move," she looked over. "Yeah, it does," Bella agreed.

They found a spot in the lot, and made their way inside in a fit of giggles and smiles. "Two shakes," they asked for at the end, their meal filled with a pinch of gossip, a lot of idle talk. Angela showed her a picture of her brother, then quickly began to look for another. Bella had no pictures of her own to show, but she enjoyed it all. Even the shopping. Her belly was full, and a little bloated as she tried on a pair of jeans. She bought the jeans. Angela seemed to like to try things on forever, but she didn't buy most of them. There were only a couple of stores, a few small name clothing outlets in a little mall. Most of it was sporting gear, and nature tourism guides. She found a pair of boots in one of the former shops, she was grateful for that. "Where do you live?" Angela asked when they were settled in the car. Bella realized that she didn't know. _Fuck_. _Fuck_. _Fuck_. She thanked her lucky stars, the first time for Dave. He'd emailed her information, address was right in the middle. "413 Wallace Highway," she said, unsure. Angela seemed to know what she was talking about though. "Buckle up, chick-a, chick," she sang as she reversed. "Aye, aye captain," Bella laughed as she reached for her seat belt.

It had begun to get dark as they rode back. They drove with the radio playing, the sound of the tires hitting the pavement just beneath the music. Angela had to turn the head lights on when they hit the back roads. The going was slow, the roads were slick, but that was fine with her. "Who do you live with?" Angela asked. _The dreaded question_. "Do you know Mike- from school?" Angela nodded her head, frowning a little as she kept her eyes on the road. "I'm staying with them, I'm in the foster program." "Oh- oh," Angela blinked, processing. "That's cool. Mike- yeah- Mike.." "Mike's an ass," she muttered as she looked out the window. Angela hesitated a long minute, until Bella felt the silence in the air, and looked over at her. "Yeah," she agreed. "He is." Bella didn't ask.

The front door was unlocked when she tried it. She looked back to give Angela a little wave before she went inside. She was getting used to the smoke smell, she didn't choke up nearly as bad this time. The living room was dark, and empty. The television was off. Kitchen was the same way. She went to creep up the stairs when she remembered she had drank all of her water upstairs. She tip-toed to the kitchen, and filled a glass, taking a couple gulps so she didn't spill it on the stairs._ It's okay_, she told herself as she climbed up into the shadows. She was pulling the stairs down when the light flicked on.

"Fuck're you doin coming in so late?" He asked, bare chested, and radiating ire from down the hallway. "Oh- uh- I'm sorry- my friend dropped me off-" she stumbled over her words, struggling to say them in order. "Friend? It's your first day. Hell you mean friend?" She didn't bother with saying it was actually her second. "Who? A boy ain't no friend." "No, Sir," she whispered. "A girl. Angela." "Martin?" He didn't stop to give her time to answer. "Don't you cause no trouble, do you hear? I won't have it." She nodded. "Get," he jerked his head up. She finished pulling the stairs down as he walked past into the bathroom. She got. She didn't stop because it was dark. She didn't care. Not at all. She collapsed at the top of the steps, pulling them back into the ceiling as quick as she could.

She rocked herself back and forth for a while, just there, taking in big gulps of air between sobs. She thought about everything that had happened today. _Am I crazy? Do crazy people know they're crazy_? After a while she pulled herself together and went to get ready for bed. That night she only let herself think of sheep while she lay there. _One..two..three..four_...


End file.
